Bear With Me
Bear with this uncharacteristically long post. I’m going somewhere. My life is in a state of flux right now. My heart and mind are filled with thoughts that are dying to be posted, yet unfortunately many remain in the digital camera of my mind’s eye. I know each of you can relate to the mayhem that ensues in our lives each day.
There are jobs that stress us out (if we let them). There are responsibilities in trying to keep your house from being declared a national disaster area (at which I’m failing miserably). Then there are the children who have more needs than a patient in a convalescent home (and I love them so dearly)! And let me not neglect to mention my handsome husband, the youth pastor/soccer coach/life coach/daddy daycare/… (who keeps me the busiest of all)!
Right now, me head is so full of hats that many of my thoughts have been lost under all of them. I am desperately working towards more structure and less clutter (in my brain, that is). I am paring down our schedules to include only essential things, however, I’m thinking we have a few too many “essentials” right now. Tre and I are also communicating and praying during this time of transitions to make sure that we don’t get disconnected and lost in the fray.
As the only daughter of a busy pastor (my dad works full-time and still serves his parishioners), I watched the business in his life. I watched him work all day, come straight to my track meet, then rush off to the hospital before going home. I’m not sure when he ate. I remember him contemplating vacations because someone in the flock was sick in the hospital, and he was concerned about being too far away. I watched him come home with his work goggles and burned shirt (from sparks flying), rush up to shower and change in time to pick up kids for children’s church. I could literally go on for hours, but it isn’t necessary to make my point.
While I love the members of his church as much as my family, I did not always want to share him with them. Plus church folks aren’t the easiest group of people to love. I got sick of leaving practice early to get to church. I got tired of feeling like I lived there sometimes. So I started talking to God a long time ago.
Dear God, I see how my dad is stretched so thin. I see the strain that it puts on my mom. I see how tired he is. I realize that emergencies happen, but couldn’t they wait until after our vacation? Why do we need to get home early from dinner on Saturday night so that he can prepare his sermon? And God, if you love me at all, please, please, please don’t let me marry a pastor. I think I repeated that part a few times for good measure. Amen.
Some of you are probably laughing right now. But I’m not, and I wasn’t then either. I was dead serious. So much so that I immediately burst into loud sobs when two individual people spoke a prophecy over my now husband (then boyfriend), that he would be a pastor. I did not want that life for myself or my children. Don’t knock me unless you’ve been there. A pastor is expected to be so many things for so many people! His children and wife make innumerable sacrifices. The phone doesn’t stop ringing, and you can’t call-screen them like telemarketers.
While I’m aware that to many, ministry is noble, it is not easy. Many sacrifices are required, and unlike traditional work, there is usually no tangible (earthly) bonus received for an extraordinary job. When we first started serving youth, we were much younger and more carefree. We had no children and few responsibilities. Fast forward 10 years , and we are like clowns juggling at the circus sometimes. Pray for me as we learn to prioritize. As we work to serve the people in our church, let us not forget to serve one another and our children FIRST. Let us always use God as our filter for priorities. Let us avoid burn-out, because this work must be done, and we want to do it to the fullest ability that God allows. We are willing. We love our God and our youth! (and their parents, too)
8 Comments
Tre Lawrence
Yes, I am handsome.
No, let me go read the rest…
karen
You have reminded me of something the Lord put on my heart years ago, but I somehow let go of. When my faith was young, I began to pray for the spouses and families of pastors/church leaders in my community – by name. I had forgotten.
Thanks for reminding and inspiring me.
Praying for you all!
jenimam1
Thank you so much for the insight on the life of the family of a pastor. More difficult than I imagined. The pastor of my church is leaving to persue another profession and he's only 46, I wonder if it could be for some of the same reasons. I'm frustrated because just recently I feel like I'm being pulled strongly to be a part of the church, but you know me. I tried to understand the bible on my own, couldn't do it, you tried to explain things to me, didn't get it. Finally I found the only person who can explain things to me in a way I understand and he's leaving in June. Is it wrong for me to pray a prayer that I know goes against what he wants for himself and his family, to stay? Maybe it's possible for him to stay and be happy, find balance in his life, and continue to change lives? Maybe you can answer that question since you are living it. No worries, the chances of my prayer being answered over his are not good. The pastor has known how to pray for 20 years and I've been praying for, oh, all of about 5 minutes. In a war of prayers his will win. I can hear God laughing at my puny prayer now, Hah!
Heather
Totally enjoyed reading this…being a "PK" myself, girl I am so with you. I remember being there every time the church doors were open, can I tell you that I think being a Pastor's wife is a calling. And you are doing a great job with all those hats. I've decided to maybe buy a rack to put them all on or just carry a bigger bag…my hat's off to you sister
friend.
(Though I wouldn't change it at all looking back…I feel at home at church. Content, calm, and like I belong there. How thankful I am to have been brought up in a Christian home and constantly reminded of the love of Jesus)
Babetta
Dear husband, you are so special. Love you.
Babetta
Jenimam1,
I love your comments. I'm so happy that you've found a church that you feel comfortable in. I know it is hard for you to be facing the loss of your pastor. While I wouldn't tell you not to pray that he stays, I would imagine your pastor has spent much time agonizing over his decision to leave. When you do pray, just try to pray for God's will in your pastor's life and in yours. He's the only one who knows the impact his decision will have on everyone involved. He will hear your prayers just the same as your pastor's because he knows each of your hearts. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God knows the plans He has for us. They are plans to prosper us and to give us a future, not to harm us. This lets me know that He has plans for you, and a new pastor if need be. Trust Him not to let you down. Soon you might be saying, Pastor Who? I hope this helps. Wish we could have this chat in person.
Babetta
Heather, I didn't know you were a PK. Kindred spirits. Thanks for the encouragement. And you're right, I am happy to have been raised in a home where I was taught to love God. Church is home to me, too. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve.
jenimama1
You have no idea how hard I am laughing right now because coincidences and things keep happening and your choice of words is beyond perfect. The one very important church sermon that changed my life was about living "not your will, but God's will". Your exact choice of words, 'God's will'.
Promised myself to be a more patient driver as part of a church project I'm a part of, and got tired of being nice yesterday, pulled up next to someone to make a mean face, looked at the license plate in front of me and it said 'God'.
Went to the $1 section at Target after hearing a church sermon on prayer to get Easter basket fillers and kept picking up the same little kid book in 4 different places about learning to pray.
Can you see why I feel like I'm being pulled into the church?!! Your words, everyones' words, life situations….
Thinking more about how history is repeating itself in your family life (being a pastor's wife like your mom)and mine(my grandma died when I was 5 of diabetes, my mom died from diabetes and Holly is 5)in ways that we did not want. Maybe there is a reason that neither of us understand too. What would be the purpose of reliving our parents' lives? Coincidences really have me wondering.